Welcoming a Sister

It was no secret that I found myself feeling very nervous about adding another little lady to our family of 3.  It was not that I worried about not being able to love another baby as much as Emersyn- it revolved more about me being scared.  I had become so comfortable with the routine and way of life that Eme and I had, and I found myself being terrified of what a new baby would do to that.  Emersyn was my little lady, my sweet girl, my best friend and I never wanted her to feel any different about our relationship when the baby came.

Emersyn has always been a deep thinker, a worrier in a sense.  During my pregnancy, Emersyn once said to me at bedtime, "I'm scared mommy."  I asked what she was scared of...thinking maybe the dark or sleeping alone because daddy was traveling but that wasn't at all what was in her little mind.  She replied, "I'm scared to be a big sister,  I don't know if I will be good or what big sisters do."  She is 3 people!!!!!!  And if that doesn't just break your heart.  There she sat, my sweet, sweet girl worrying about this transition just as much as I was.  From that moment on we had tons of chats about how we were going to be a team and how she would be able to be an amazing big sister.

As the day grew closer, I felt pretty confident that her main emotion towards having a new sister was excitement.

Then Rowyn Mae arrived,,, Emersyn came to visit.  She was quiet but wanted to come and snuggle Ro and me.  She gave her kisses and rubbed her little head.  Then it was time for her to leave with my mom (where she was going to stay for a few days).  She didn't want to leave. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and asked if she could just stay with her mama.

There it was- a glimpse of her realizing things had changed... and my heart broke a little.

The first day home Emersyn woke up in the middle of the night crying and wanting me to sleep with her... tough to do when I have a new born nursing every 2-3 hours.  The next day she was a bit of a handful.  So we had a little chat that night in bed, and I asked her how she was feeling about having Rowyn home with us because I noticed she wasn't acting like her normal self.  She teared up and said, "I'm sorry mommy, I'm just not use to all of this."  In my hormonal, exhausted state, I started crying with her and said, "I know, I'm not use to all of this either.  We have to work together as a family."

With Emersyn being a bit older (almost 4) I focused on her being a big helper and being able to play independently when the baby came.  I never prepared myself for her ability to truly express how she felt about all this change.  The real kicker came a few days later as Eme and I were in her playroom.  She was tinkering with her princess dolls and she overheard me call Rowyn 'my sweet girl'.  (This has always been what I call Eme)  She immediately stopped playing, looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "I thought I was your sweet girl."  OH SHIT!!  I tried to explain that she still was and would always be and that I loved her and Rowyn both.  Her response, "But she just got here."  There you have it- a 3 year old's point of view- how could you love her as much as me, she only just got here!

That's the funny thing about becoming a parent.  It is the only love that truly is felt so instantaneously down to your very soul.

I am happy to say Rowyn Mae has stolen our hearts.  And Emersyn is stealing kisses, singing to her, watching over her, and falling beautifully into her big sister role.  Just the other day Emersyn looked at me and said, "I love you so much mommy and I love Rowyn too.  I'm glad she's in our family"